I never in my wildest dreams imagined that adulting in my "Golden Years" would be so hard or boring or repetitive. Who came up with the idea of calling our time after 65+ years on this mortal coil the "Golden Years"? I also never imagined I'd be adding the word 'adulting' to my vocabulary.
According to my Internet search, the term 'golden years' originated from early Greek and Roman poets who used it to refer to a time when mankind lived in a better time and was pure. The ancient Greek philosopher Hesiod introduced the term in his Works and Days when referring to the period when the "Golden Race" of man lived.
Poppycock, I say. I think it refers to all the metal we accumulate as we age such as a lead bottom, silver hair, gold (filled) teeth, and maybe the symbolic gold watch that, according to several older movies I grew up watching, was given to a (usually male) retiree. David received a grandfather clock which isn't gold but it does have a goldencolored pendulum so I guess that counts.
I find my golden years are filled with the mindless task of deleting way too many e-mails. I get hundreds of e-mails daily and a lot of them are from the same company. Do these companies think I want dozens of missives from them every stinkin' day? I delete the majority without reading them since most are from scammers trying to give me money because they are dying, their spouse died and they have to get the money moved to the United States before the authorities catch on, they want to give me a job I'm not qualified for and didn't apply for or a loan for a business I don't have. These scammers need to do better research on their targets. Anyway, this is an adulting job I do not like.
As we no longer have little ones in the house who would live on hot dogs and mac 'n' cheese I have to figure out what sustenance to prepare ever single day! It gets challenging. We find ourselves spending a great deal of time saying "What do you want to eat?" "I don't know. What do you want?" "I asked you first." At this point, we usually end up with cereal or anything fast and easy with ground round as the main ingredient. I refuse to cook 'meals' if he won't tell me what he wants. I've decided my job is to veto everything he names until he finally says something I didn't know I wanted until he mentioned it.
Don't get me started on paying bills. How did that remain my job even after David retired? He refuses to take on this task. I guess he could say the same about me. I've given up a few chores since he's home all time like mowing, weeding, washing the car, etc. We won't mention that though since this is my column.
Here are a few things I've come up with on the subject of being old and being forced to adult.
Signs You're Old And So Over Adulting:
Your grandkids are alarmed every time you groan and sigh trying to get up out of your chair.
You can forget sitting on the floor unless you've made a solid plan on how you're going to get back up.
You've given up certain foods after 2 p.m. because they might result in a latenight bathroom run.
You get annoyed when you have to ask for a senior discount.
You get even more annoyed when you get one without asking.
You get really, really irritated when your big box store moves every dang thang around and you can't find anything.
Your grandkids think you sit at home all day watching television and being super bored until they call or show up to keep you entertained.
Your calendar is no longer filled with fun things unless your idea of fun is endless doctor's appointments.
You spend half your doctor's appointment filling out redundant information on the endless paperwork they hand you.
You get annoyed getting asked the same questions over and over at your doctor's appointments. Don't they remember anything?
You make a joke and no one under the age of 55 gets it.
You use words and phrases like far out, to the max, or cool, or if you're even older, poppycock, floy floy, wacky tobacky or jeepers creepers, where'd ya get those peepers? That was considered quite clever back in the olden days.
Now young people text everything while leaving out most of the letters. If we could have used them during World War II the war would have been over before the enemy figured out what the heck they were saying.