Today's word is Prosopagnosia. It is from the Greek language meaning “face” and “non-knowledge.” I have suffered from this for years and never knew it had a name. Now I feel a little less weird. It can be quite embarrassing at times. It usually kicks in when I'm out and about and spot someone who looks vaguely familiar, but I can't quite place them. If I know you from a local retail establishment or coffee shop, please don't expect me to know who you are if we run into each other at the bank. If you're not where you should be, I won't know you.
I was recently reading an article written by a fellow (translation: someone who is recognized as a writer and makes a living at it) columnist on this same problem she's also suffered from for years. I never knew it had a name or was even considered a "thing."
We've all had this problem at one time or another. At least I hope so. I'd hate to think I and the aforementioned columnist were the only ones who are entirely clueless. What usually happens next is my brain will start playing a rousing game of "Wheel of Fortune," spinning letters like mad. I think her name starts with a "C" or maybe a "K." It's on the tip of my tongue. Should I buy a vowel? I think her name is Karen. Or is it Cathy? Or Kathy with a "K"? I think she works at the grocery store, or maybe the Olive Garden. I know I've seen her somewhere before. By now I'm too embarrassed to say anything so I just move on.
I also suffer from the inability to remember names so usually my mental “Wheel of Fortune” head game is of no use. I've been going to my health clinic for almost three years now and since the ladies up front don't wear name tags, I have no idea what their names are and I'm too embarrassed to ask now.
I think my mother suffered from this too since I heard her many times refer to someone as "Wutchie." I was a teenager before I discovered that "Wuthcie" wasn't a real name, and half our town was not populated by people named Wutchie. Granted, there were plenty of people in our small town who were related, a fact I also didn't know until I was probably in my 20s.
Another infliction I suffer from is something I've named Invisibleitis. Invisibleitis happens to me all the time when I'm standing in line to pay for a purchase or waiting for the clerk in a department store to stop examining her phone and help me. Maybe it's because I can be patient when I'm in the mood and this translates to "doormat" at some stores. Just the other day I was waiting while the lady behind the counter of a large home improvement store was on the phone helping a customer. The call went on and on and on, but she was on the phone before I walked up, so I waited. Several other employees, excuse me – team members – were milling around behind the desk paying me no mind. Okay, they're busy, I can wait. That is until a man walked up, and three female team members rushed to wait on him.
"Excuse me!" I almost shouted, "I've been waiting here patiently." Startled that I spoke up, one of the team members replied, "Oh, I thought she was helping you," pointing to the lady on the phone. Nope. Well, here's a little tip: ASK if someone is being helped.
Or the time I was in a small local clothing shop. They were having a sale, and I found a cute top I thought I'd buy. I waited while the lady ahead of me paid for her purchases. In the meantime, two clerks were milling around behind the counter, paying no attention to me. As soon as another customer walked up, they sprung into action. Am I INVISIBLE? If I weren't the size of a Buick, I'd understand. But there's no missing me.
I've digressed as usual.
But back to my original point, if I can remember what that was – oh yeah it was Prosopagnosia. So, to recap – I cannot remember names or faces and spend a great deal of my time suffering from Invisibleitis.
I've heard that Brad Pitt has confessed that he, too, suffers from Prosopagnosia which puts me in very good (and really cute) company. So, remember the next time you see me please give me a shout. Honestly, I'm not ignoring you. And for Heaven's sake, if I get a blank look on my face, please tell me your name.