How Can I Tell When It's Fall?

How can I tell when it's Fall?

Not while it's still hotter than the 'Middle of Summer', fry an egg on the sidewalk, make cookies on the car engine HOT, that's for sure. The calendar says it is Fall. I say it is Fall. Even the weatherman says it is Fall. Then why am I sweating like I'm living in a sauna? I hate saunas. My outdoor thermometer says it can't possibly Fall since I must be living in a desert.

To get into the Fall mood and send Mother Nature a hint, I got David to haul all my meager store of Fall decorations down from the attic and STILL she's not getting the message. So now I have a bone to pick with her, and one little suggestion– STOP IT!!! It's NOT Summer anymore. For crying out loud, I shouldn't be suffering from heat stroke while attending our nine-year-old grandson's late September midmorning football games. It's over. Let it GO. We plussize girls can't handle the heat so I'm begging you, Mother Nature–Please Make It Go Away.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest I'll try to get to the point of this week's column although I can't guarantee I'll stay there. Ha! Ha!

Anyway, I know it's Fall because my inner Martha (Stewart) is waging her annual battle with my inner Queen of Procrastination. Martha thinks I need to get busy crafting and sewing while my Queen begs to differ. The Queen expects others to do it for her.

My inner Martha is getting insistent that I start my Christmas craft list. She also thinks I should make special handmade gifts for everyone on my exceptionally lengthy gift list. The Queen knows this is a ridiculous idea that will never happen as long as she's around to put the kibosh on such insanity. I just wish Martha would start her nag... er, suggestions a lot sooner. I'm thinking January or February when it's too cold to be wandering outside and I need something besides food to focus on. (I heard that.)

Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the holidays even though it still feels like Summer, and I have thought of a few things I'd like to have made for a handful of my family members. The problem is I'll either have to order them– probably from my favorite online big box store equivalent– or (hopefully) I can recruit a family member with a fancy machine that can print things on cups, bowls, plates, etc. to help a sister out. Hint, hint, sis. We also have a couple of young grandsons that I think children's magazines would be perfect for. Our 10-year-old grandson informed me a few months ago that I needed to buy more magazines he can read when he comes over. (He also takes them home which I'm sure thrills his parents.) He's very judgmental. He was appalled to find out that I don't purchase them. He gets what comes in the mail for free. He could have left me the one magazine I subscribe to. He'll never make any of the recipes since he doesn't like to cook although he'll eat almost anything if it's covered in cheese. (I probably won't either but that's beside the point. It's Mine.)

So, anyway, I think I'll order him his own magazine although I don't think he'll be too happy when he finds out it only comes once a month. If I can get his name on a junk mail list, he'd get all the catalogs he could possibly want. On second thought, his mom might not think that's a good idea. Oh, well.

We have an 18-year-old granddaughter who bought herself a recreational vehicle she's renovating to live in. When she turned 16, she purchased our pickup which she can use to pull it so she's all set. I think I could probably find lots of nice things to help her fix it as she wants it. We're so proud of all our grandchildren. They're learning to save their money to buy what they want. No payments for them.

But I digress. (A shocker, I know.)

What in the heck do we (and by 'we' I mean I) find for our out-of-state nieces, nephews, and their children? Who knows what they're interested in these days? They're all either already settled in their lives with good jobs and good lives.

To get myself into the mood I guess I could turn the air conditioner on as low as it'll go, drag out my cold weather pajamas, fire up the fireplace, make some hot cocoa, turn on some seasonal movies and pretend it's Fall. Our dog already thinks we're nuts so why not prove her right? LOL.