I hate this time of year. I work myself into a 'tizzy' just thinking about it. I say we have a flat tax and be done with it. No more ten zillion 'deductions' that apply only to the wealthy. No more paying taxes on things we already paid taxes on when we purchased them. No taxes on necessities such as groceries. No tax on retirement monies we earned over a lifetime. If the government could find a way, we'd be taxed on the air we breathe.
I can't stand gathering tax papers every year. I think at our age we've earned the right not to. I wouldn't mind, if our hard-earned dollars were being spent responsibly but they're not. I get tired of hearing how billions and billions of our tax dollars have been paid out fraudulently, wastefully, or needlessly.
What brought on this rant, you ask? Every year, for 50 years, I've been forced to deal with this mess. I gather all our papers to take to the accountant. I used to use a plastic grocery bag but I've graduated to a large manila envelope. That's how much I've matured.
I will admit for 35plus years, the company David worked for did our taxes for us. It was great because we contributed minimal effort to the task. Then he retired, it all fell on me. It didn't seem too bad–at first. Our taxes are fairly simple and straightforward. Nothing much changes from year to year but still I went in search of a good accountant who only charged an arm for her services and dumped everything on her desk.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'But Debi with all the free and nearly free tax programs and services available why are you paying for it?' To those of you who do your own taxes – Are you insane? Or do you like living on the edge? I'd be afraid we would end up either getting a $10,000 refund and have a lot of 'splaining to do or, worse, we'd end up owing $10,000. It's a lose-lose all the way around for us. I'm just not that organized or brave.
I figure if someone else is responsible for all the math involved, it'll keep us out of the gray bar motel. I sleep a little better knowing we have someone who can intelligently explain why we did what we did. I don't think the I.R.S. wants to hear, 'I dunno,' answers to their questions.
After begging, pleading, whining, and griping at David, I finally put my foot down and insisted that he had to be in charge this year. He tried pleading ignorance of the process but I was adamant. I figure it'll take him until March 15 to get it done but, by golly, I'm sticking to my guns. Our accountant is a big baby if we don't get our paperwork to her by then. I don't start breathing again (which will probably be taxable next year) until all the forms have been sent in.
I figure if we haven't heard back from the I.R.S. by the middle of October, then we're home free for a couple of months until the nightmare of tax season starts all over again. They've had six months to catch any errors that we may have made so it's their bad if anything's wrong. The tax codes read like they were written by a room full of primates anyway. No layperson can understand them. That alone should be enough to get us off the hook for any miscalculations that may have occurred.
And remember, when making out the check to the Internal Revenue Service, don't write 'To the Money Sucking Government Drones' in the memo. They really hate that.