What is it about men, retirement, and sports?
Although David has always been a fan of football, he never had time to watch it on television before he retired. Luckily for me, 24/7 television viewing wasn't invented until we'd been married for quite some time.
Anyway from August until July, it doesn't matter what the sport is, if it's on television, he'll watch it. Have you ever had to suffer through a day of beach volleyball or extreme woodcutting? Some of the sports programmings nowadays boggle the mind. I guess it's hard work coming up with enough sports shows to fill the airwaves. But, bless their hearts, the television programmers try
Ḣere, courtesy of Business Insider and the Internet, are some of the bizarre things I read about which are either boring, extremely weird, or both:
Extreme Ironing. The Extreme Ironing Bureau (yes, there is such an organization) explains it this way– "this sport combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt." Ironing boards are taken to virtually anywhere you can think of: caves, forests, waterfalls, out on kayaks, and into New York City, and the competitors...iron. The sport originated in Britain. I'm guessing the excitement comes from waiting to see who will suffer a severe burn first.
Wife Carrying, which was born in Finland is pretty selfexplanatory. A man must carry his wife through an obstacle course as fast as he can. The course must be 831 feet long with one dry and two water obstacles, the wife must weigh at least 108 pounds, and if dropped, the man faces a 15-second penalty. The world championships are held in July, and the winner gets his wife's weight in beer. Even if David could carry me he'd never survive drinking my weight in beer. I think any man whose wife exceeds the minimum weight should be awarded a 15-second head start per 50 pounds. That would put us very near the finish line. LOL
Bossaball, originally from Belgium, is something like volleyball, except the ball can be kept in the air with any part of the body and can be hit up to eight times by one team before it must go over the net. The sport is played between teams of three to five players on an inflatable, with one giant trampoline, on which stands an attacker. The attacker is propelled into the air and can deliver vicious shots. One point is awarded if the ball hits the ground anywhere besides the trampoline, in which case three points are given to the opposing team. I get tired just reading the description.
Bog Snorkeling involves swimming through a 180 feet long peat bog with a snorkel and flippers in the fastest time possible. 'Swimmers' aren't allowed to use conventional swimming techniques, but must propel themselves along using their flippers alone. The Bog Snorkeling championships are held in Wales.
Outhouse Racing is an annual event that takes place in Michigan. Three teammates, two pushers, and a rider attempt to guide their mini-restroom across the finish line. The outhouse is set up on skis and must have a toilet paper dispenser and a toilet seat. Competitors are very creative in decorating and naming their bathroom sleds.
The Mud-Pit Belly Flop is one of a series of interesting activities known as the Summer Redneck Games. Held in East Dublin, Georgia, other events include a hubcap discus throw, arm-pit serenade, bobbing for pigs' feet, and redneck horseshoes where, instead of horseshoes, toilet seats are hurled. I'm assuming the lids are removed. This is definitely on my bucket list.
Cycleball is a combo sport featuring elements of bicycling, soccer, hockey, and basketball. Players bicycle around a small court and try to smack a ball into the goal using the wheels of their bicycles. Players must keep their feet off the floor or else the other team is awarded a penalty kick. There are two players on each team, and one usually hangs back as a kind of sweeper.
Quidditch is a game adapted from the mythical broomflying sport made popular in the Harry Potter books. Players mimic the fictional flying version of the game by holding broomsticks between their legs while attempting to hurl balls through round hoops at opposite ends of the field, much the same as in the book. It began as an intramural sport at Middlebury College and quickly spread throughout the nation's universities. Now more than 400 colleges have taken it up.
If I ever catch David watching any of these 'sports' on television, I think I'll send him to Sports Rehab where the only sports he'd be allowed to watch would be football, baseball, basketball– pretty much any sport with the word ball in it.