There seems to be an epidemic of women who are enceinte lately. Back in my day (Oh my gosh! Did I just say that?) we'd claim there must be something in the water causing it. What other explanation is there for the recent baby boom? Even though I'm a little (Okay, a lot. Don't rub it in.) past the time when I need to worry about such things to be safe, I think I'll stick to my diet soft drinks. No sense taking chances I always say. I have no desire to be listed in the Book of World Records as the oldest pregnant woman in the world.
Just imagine it! We'd both be in diapers at the same time; both of us would probably be on soft foods at the same time, and both of us would awaken frequently throughout the night in need of diaper changes. The only thing worse would be giving birth to more than one at a time. With my memory, I could see myself laying the little tyke down and forgetting where I put her. There's a reason we stop giving birth after a certain age unless we're rich and famous but that doesn't really count since they can afford a whole army of helpers.
It's because when we're young we think we're invincible. We don't think of the drudgery involved in having a little human totally dependent upon us for their very existence. No, all we think of is the accolades we'll receive while strangers 'ohhh and ahhh' and tell us how cute the baby is.
It's really not fair that new mothers are sent into the trenches without any weapons to combat the exhaustion and guilt they'll experience. Oh, the guilt. Leave the little one in the play area of your kid's favorite fastfood place just once and you'll be labeled for life. No one blames dad.
Just watch any of the shows we were convinced portrayed the perfect family we were supposed to aspire to. Except for Ozzie on the 'Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet' most of the television dads were all wise, all-knowing. It wasn't called 'Mother Knows Best.' Anytime the boys got into mischief the school didn't call Mom. No, they called Dad.
Anyway, forget Dr. Spock*. I think all new mothers should read Erma Bombeck's book 'Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession.' Who better to give new mothers advice on how to navigate the uncharted waters they're about to embark on?
I want to congratulate our granddaughter, her many friends, and our great-niece, all of whom have or are about to embark on what can be a most rewarding profession– motherhood. Salute!
*Dr. Spock was a pioneer in the field of childrearing who wrote 'The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care' in 1946 which sold 50 million copies. I never read it but maybe I should have. Motherhood: It's the guilt that keeps on giving.