Our outdoor fancyschmancy thermometer/rain gauge must think I'm a clueless simp. It's not 100% wrong but how does it know? This artificial intelligence technology is getting scary. Anyway, I KNOW it's cold. I do not need it sounding off every few minutes with an annoying beep, beep, beep to let me know it is freezing outside.
When I got married I started doing adult things like watching the weather to find out if it was going to be cold or hot or raining or snowing, etc. The weatherman had a three-sided chalkboard a few pieces of colored chalk and a very dreamy voice. No matter what I was doing, I'd drop everything except the children–well, just once but never again–and run to the television as soon as he started talking. I don't remember much at times but I still remember his name–Jim Williams. He was able to let us know in just a few minutes what the weather would be which was pretty impressive without any fancy-schmancy technology.
How did we grow up without a television weatherperson giving us an update every seven minutes (literally) to let us know it's really cold outside so be sure you bundle up like that boy on "A Christmas Story" who can't move after his mother finishes with him.
I can't get enough of all the tips the 'experts' give us on what we need to do before we go outside when it's hot. Don't forget the sunscreen, bottled water, portable fan, sun hat, etc., etc. I get exhausted just listening to them. My thermometer will let me know when it's hot too. I'd stay inside and watch television, but wait! Isn't that what started all this mess? The experts are also telling us that watching too much television is bad for us. Now isn't that ironic?
I cannot stand to watch any programming that has not been recorded. I didn't mind commercials back when I was younger. As a matter of fact, most of them were cute with catchy jingles that anyone over fifty still remembers to this day. Say "Plop, plop" and your fellow oldster will answer with "Fizz, Fizz." Or "Snap, Crackle, Pop." The answer? "Rice Crispies." They were all short and easy to remember. We could barely get to the bathroom and back before our program was back on. When did the advertisers forget how to write and produce a commercial that people like to watch? They've gotten to be like mini-movies. Extremely boring minimovies. I've found I can take a bath, make supper, feed the dog, and still make it to my recliner before my show comes back on. It's just too much. Do the advertisers really think we're going to pay attention to commercials that are too long, irrelevant, and just plain boring?
Call me clueless but most of the time I have no idea what the majority of the commercials are touting. The video and words on the screen make no sense. There is no immediate product recognition. Don't you just love the ones for drugs we could never pronounce even if we had the nerve to suggest to our doctor that we needed a drug for a disease we most likely don't have?
I can never remember what they're supposed to cure. I sure hope I don't have any of the symptoms. They sound terrifying. And who can comprehend the milelong list of side effects they hurriedly list as they show a happy couple holding hands and strolling along a beach, or a granddad frolicking with his grandkid or something equally sappy. When did the advertisers assume that we, the public, have a degree in pharmaceuticals? I'm sure doctors were thrilled when Big Pharma started advertising. Personally, I'd rather see commercials for booze than pills and I don't drink. Well, rarely anyway.
And speaking of boring things, I was watching an hour-long national morning news program (Don't ask me why. Habit I guess.) and I have a theory that it is only ten minutes long. The rest consists of commercials, previews of what they plan on showing, recaps of what they just showed with a cute 'play of the day thrown in plus ten minutes of local news programming that I had just finished watching before I turned on the national news.
And speaking of commercials, I saw a new gimmick today from a national fastfood chain that really cracked me up. For a small(ish) monthly subscription fee, one can swing by and pick ONE taco of your choice every day by using a secret app on your cell phone. I'm sure they're banking on the fact that no one can possibly walk away with just one taco and no drink. Fiendishly brilliant, I'd say.