As I sit here on this sweltering September morning my inner Martha Stewart is already starting to give my inner Ms. Couch Potato a lot of flack. Martha thinks it's time to get off my duff and start giving some thought about what to do for the upcoming holidays. (Hey, Mother Nature, it's September! Please turn off the heat.)
"What in the heck do I plan to do about it?" Martha wants to know.
"Relax. You have plenty of time," says Ms. Couch Potato.
"When you have 14 grandkids, two great-grandkids and countless other family members on your Christmas list, January is not too soon to get busy," I chime in.
Then we all laugh because we all know I won't.
I decided I'd listen to Martha for a change so I 'researched' projects I could make for Christmas gifts. Nothing too complicated, mind you. Just something that says I made an effort.
I watched countless "howto" videos on a popular website which usually leads to Delusions of Competency. Those people make everything look so effortless. Liars!
I figured it would take way too much energy to dig for any supplies I might have stashed in my craft closet so this gave me an excellent opportunity to make a run for a place I should never be allowed to step foot in–my favorite fabric/craft supply store.
I rummaged around in my side table and junk drawer on the hunt for coupons that were hopefully not expired. I have a knack for remembering coupons the day after they are no longer valid. It's a rare talent indeed.
With coupons in hand, I made the run to the fabric store to buy everything I thought I might need to make the latest project that has caught my interest–quilted table runners and matching placemats.
I spent hours perusing all the pretty fabric. What I should have been doing was trying to make a selection but this is where it gets hard. I have trouble matching up clothes so how in the heck am I supposed to be able to coordinate fabric?
Another reason for my inability to get the fabric selected is I'm easily sidetracked by all the new paraphernalia for quilting. I have numerous quilting 'rulers' of just about every size and shape, some never used, but that doesn't stop me from lusting over any innovations.
Dragging myself away from that area I wandered over to the quilt batting that is sorted by size and content. This one is 100 percent cotton. That one is 80 percent cotton and 20 percent something else. (I forget.) This one is really fluffy. That one is practically flat. What's an amateur quilter to do?
I select the 80/20 flat batting since I figure anything else would spell disaster for table runners and placemats.
I ended up spending a fortune on everything and threw in a little extra "just in case" since it is about 10 miles back to the fabric/craft supply store.
As soon as I arrived home, I tossed everything into my office/sewing room so I could ruminate for a few days over how to begin my project.
A week later I walked into the office, took a gander at all my new bounty and decided I needed to watch more videos just in case I may have missed a few tips or techniques. One can never be too well informed, can one?
In the meantime, I dragged out my sewing machine and set up the ironing board in anticipation.
By now I figured I had earned a break and headed into the kitchen for a snack.
Sitting down in my recliner, I switched on the television and tuned in my favorite game show and played a couple of hands of computer solitaire.
I discovered I needed a new needle for my sewing machine and commenced digging for some. I seriously need to get this house organized so I can find something without constantly hunting like I'm Indiana Jones searching for the Holy Grail but with much less success.
I made another quick trip to the fabric store for more supplies, changed the needle in my machine and proceeded to sew a whopping three squares out of the 40 needed for one table runner. This is when I realized I should not have used a yellow fabric marking pencil to make my sewing lines. It's too light for my aging eyes to discern.
The hunt was on again, this time for a darker fabric pencil that will make a line I can see from farther away than six inches. My nose was getting perilously close enough to the needle to give myself a new piercing. I do not need another hole in my head. (I heard that.)