I took a very fast trip last weekend to panhandle Florida to see my siblings. It has been 18 months since we were all together last and since none of us is getting any younger, we have made visiting a priority The event that put us all in one place last and prioritized visiting more often was the sudden death of my little brother. Only 53, he was found unresponsive at his home, the victim of a massive brain bleed. I don’t know if it would be called a stroke, aneurism or something else. He was life flighted to a hospital, received care and very little hope for recovery.
There was time for his sons, both in the service, to make it to his bedside to say goodbye. One was in Djibouti, an African nation, and the Red Cross did an impressive job getting him home in time.
Rob did pass about four days after he was found, and the usual arrangements and ceremonies followed.
The worst part was that although his death was officially from the brain bleed, it was really suicide by denial. Suicide by cop is when someone wants to die and sets up a conflict with law enforcement so that they are fired on and killed. Suicide by denial is similar, but more drawn out.
For months, Rob had not taken his medications. He had diabetes, depression and high blood pressure. Earlier in 2021, he had long Covid and was ill and off work for five months. That started the long slide into his dark place. He no longer kept up contact with his extended family, only his deployed boys, but he was never good at staying in touch with the rest of us. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, so we didn’t pry.
He stopped picking up his mail until the rural carrier complained the box was so stuffed nothing else would fit. He stopped paying his bills, mortgage, truck note. I don’t know how he kept the lights on. It wasn’t that he was broke, but he was fully broken in spirit.
Finally, his body gave his soul what it wanted. He was released. I hadn’t seen him in more than five years.
That left the rest of us to deal with his passing far too soon. There is so much he will miss. He’ll never see his grandkids graduate from kindergarten, or high school. He won’t get together with his military buddies and talk about old times. He won’ t get together with his brother and sisters for holidays or everydays.
We are all mad at him for quitting us like this. I am furious at myself because I didn’t know how far down the black hole of depression he had gone. I should have. I should have done more, dragged him from the fire that consumed him.
It was an alarm bell and should be one for all of us. Is there someone who has absented themselves from your life with no definite reason? Odd behavior, even for someone who is usually odd? Don’t be polite. Get all up in their business. They will fight you I guarantee. Fight back. Drag them if you must back from the edge. Don’t wait.
Because if you do, all you will have to show for it is regret. I can assure you that will not pass the way anger from a friend or family member with whom you intervened will. That regret, unlike my baby brother, will live forever.