For the Queen of Procrastination, this is the most miserable time of the year. I don't know why we have to be put through this torture every year! This is not a good way to start spring...or summer...or any other day. I work myself into a tizzy as soon as the New Year's Eve hangov...er, after effects, wear off which escalates by the first of March when our accountant insists we have all our papers, receipts, etc., in her hands. I worry while I await the bad news since there hasn't been any good news in 10 years.
Anyway, I decided to do a little research as to why we are punished year after year so here are a few not-so-fun facts.
We can thank President Lincoln for the idea of taking our hard-earned deniros. In 1862 good ole 'Honest it wasn't my idea' Abe realized he needed to raise money to pay for the Civil War and what better way than to stick it to the hardworking citizens by creating the early day version of the IRS. Thus the first Commissioner of Internal Revenue was appointed and the income tax was created.
Cooler heads prevailed and in 1872 it was repealed. It was revived in 1894 via the Wilson Tariff Act and the Bureau of Internal Revenue was born.
Three years later the Supreme Court ruled the tax was unconstitutional and the income tax division was disbanded.
Not willing to give up on a dime, in 1909 President Taft recommended Congress propose a constitutional amendment giving the government the power to tax incomes without apportioning the burden among the states in line with population.
In 1913 the first 1040 form was introduced. Five years later the Revenue Act of 1918 imposed a progressive income tax rate structure of up to 77 percent and 'creative' accounting came into being.
1943 brought the Current Tax Payment Act which required employers to withhold taxes and remit them quarterly. A year later Congress passed the Individual Income Tax Act which created standard deductions on Form 1040.
By 1965 the IRS had obtained its first toll-free telephone site thereby forcing taxpayers, when calling for help, to listen to an endless loop of muzak.
These 'Fun Facts' and many more can be found on the IRS webpage.
Am I the only one who stays up nights worrying that I've forgotten something when I drop my plastic grocery bag full of receipts with the accountant? I picture myself being called in for an audit and being interrogated by the IRS. I don't look good in orange or stripes. Picture a fat pumpkin or plump zebra.
Here's how I imagine it'd go: IRS Agent: 'Mrs. Harris, why do you have a receipt for a case of wine included with your tax documents?'
Me: 'It’s for my heart. It's medicine. Medicine is deductible, isn't it?'
Agent: 'Yes, but in your case, no. What, specifically, is it for?'
Me: 'My doctor told me I needed to drink some everyday to keep the old heart from clogging up.'
Agent: 'So?' Me: 'Red wine contains, well, I'm not sure what it contains, but it keeps my blood flowing which could prevent a heart attack. Medicine.'
Agent: 'What's with all the cheese and crackers?'
Me: 'I have to have something on my stomach so I don't get drunk. Are you okay? You don't look too good. Would you like a glass of wine?'
It's no coincidence that liquor sales go up dramatically, the closer we get to April 15th. It's also the reason AA membership increases exponentially on April 16th. (Okay, I made that up, but it could be true.)
I took all the receipts I could find buried in the mound that is my office desk and dropped them off with our poor accountant. I'd give her a case of wine, but I found out it's not deductible.
Here are a few suggestions to make this time of year less painful that may or may not be prudent: 1. Change your name and/or move to another country every April.
2. Claim as many dependents as possible. A few on my list include Lincoln, Levi, Allison (Daley), Gloria (Vanderbilt), Logan(s), Freddy(s), David the lawn boy, etc.
3. Convince your boss you want to help save the planet by getting paid in cash which saves a lot of paperwork and postage thereby saving trees. It's a win-win and good for the environment!
I have a few other ideas but I think I'll save them for next year in case these don't work and I'm threatened with an extended stay at the Gray Bar Hotel.
Is it too late to buy that case of wine? I have a feeling our accountant's gonna need it.